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Storybook Comment Wall

Mothman: Image

My Storybook Project, Mythical Monsters of the New World can be found here

I hope you all enjoy it, and I appreciate any feedback you can give!

EDIT 3/5: I have heavily revised my Introduction, so if you have not read the new version yet, do so now!


  1. Hi Brett!

    Wow... your introduction has me wanting to read more! You did a great job at introducing the story and giving the right amount of suspense! I enjoyed how you jumped right into the plot but also still gave a great exposition, which is very difficult to do. If I read this bit on a back of a book I would for sure be buying it and reading it quickly! Your topic is also intriguing. I look forward to seeing the types of stories you write and what monsters make an appearance.

    This may go against the style you were going for, but did you consider adding some dialogue? I think this would be a very cool way to gain some insight about the personalities of these seemingly creepy and withholding characters. Even a simple line from each could add another level to the personality traits described already and could add another layer of suspense depending on the phrases. Your introduction seems pretty perfect to me, this is just a suggestion I thought could add some more depth for the reader. It could also be a fun creative outlet for you as the writer to figure out how to capture their personality in one unnerving phrase.

  2. Hi Brett!

    I found this introduction to be very gripping! I cannot wait to read more! I thought your use of dialogue and description was tremendous. It would maybe be nice to know who "you" is in this story. Like what is his/her name? What is their background? But I also think not knowing can add a little bit of surprise to the story in the future. Honestly, I do not know what is going to happen next, but I think that suspense is what makes this introduction so perfect. You give just enough information to hook the readers into wanting more.

    A few tidbits I found really funny were, "Lawyers, right?" and the surrounding paragraphs. I love a good lawyer joke! Also, "Now you're lying on a cold, hard floor...". Taylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble" will now be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. I can't wait to read your first story and to see how the "Mythical Monsters" are integrated into this really cool idea. Good luck!

  3. Hi Brett,
    First off coming into your page and seeing the Spotify playlist, SO creative. I usually do not like scary stories or anything that has to do with the scary or horror genre. I dived right in playlist and all to get what you were doing in the course of writing. It was good. I did like how you haven't really introduced "you" yet throughout the introduction. I felt that gripped me more asking the question "who is this person". The amount of suspense was good, I felt that sense of needing more after finishing it. I don't have much for your introduction it is very well written and the visual details are great, I felt like I was inserted into the story. And as a reader, I want that. I want the over visuals so I can feel fully emerged into the story and you really do a great job of it.

  4. Howdy, Brett!
    I loved your story! And I really enjoyed how you linked to a Spotify playlist, how clever! I personally loved scary stories, movies, and haunted houses, so your theme is right up my alley. I really liked that your introduction is mostly dialogue, which is something that I personally struggle with in my writing. I am terrible at incorporating dialogue, I have a thing or two to learn from you, honestly. Your story had some great exposition of course, but I really liked that you did not spend too long setting up the story, and rather, jumped right into the bulk of the story. Overall, I really enjoyed your story, and I look forward to reading more of your stories, and the rest of your story book in the future. Looking at your Google Site gave me a good look into how I ought to set up my own page, so thank you for the good example!
    Best wishes,

  5. Hi Brett!

    I loved the introduction as you managed to quickly set up a detailed world for your character and then place them in an extremely tense situation. This really helped me get right into the story and start to feel like I was in the main character's shoes as soon as he got on the phone with Corliss. I had a growing number of questions about what could possibly be going on at the Philadelphia Zoo as he became more and more vague during the call, which I think is a good tool for susepnse that you could use later if applicable. I was left totally invested by the end as I am curious as to where the story will go from here due to all of the moving parts: What is the attraction and why is it so secretive? Why did the main character lose his memory and where is he now? Is Corliss a friend or foe and why would Mr. LeBlanc send you here? I can't wait to see how you answer these questions as the story unfolds. Great work!

  6. Hi Brett,

    Amazing job, reading this introduction had me on the edge of my seat the entire time! From the title of the storybook and the zoo theme, I can kind of tell where this storybook is heading, but I'm still very locked into the suspense you have built so far. Another reason why I feel really connected to the story so far is because it's written in second person. This really does help the reader get into the story. It honestly feels like I'm the one laying on the ground after being knocked out. It really reminds me of one of those old Goosebumps choose-your-own-adventure books, which used to be my absolute favorites as a kid. I'm interested to see where you take it from here. Will the creatures be scientific monstrosities? Will they be some sort of supernatural demon? I can't wait to find out!

  7. Hello Brett,

    I would like to start off by saying that I really enjoyed reading your introduction. This introduction made me want to keep reading and kept me at the edge of my seat the entire story. I love the suspense that is given all through out the story. I also like how the story is written in a second person perspective instead of a first person perspective. I feel like writing in any perspective other than first person makes any story so much better. The wording of this is so great it makes me feel like I am in the story and I am the character. Overall, I think you did a great job with your story and can not wait to continue reading the different parts of the story. I am very interested on where the story gets taken from here and really excited for the upcoming stories.

  8. Hi Brett! I love monsters, so I’m already very excited for this. The first image was a great choice to set the tone for your storybook. Wow, this is a great start. The opening line is so good. I very much appreciate that this is written in a second person point of view. I don’t think I’ve seen that here before. It made it all the more engaging. I don’t trust any of these people. They’re so suspicious. I’m definitely interested in seeing where this is going to go. I like that you never showed us any monsters, though we know that’s your topic. I think it adds to the suspense quite nicely. We never know when they’re going to pop up. I really don’t have any suggestions. I love the direction that you’re going with this and I’m looking forward to reading more of this in the future! I want to see what happens!

  9. Hey Brett!
    I just got finished reading your intro and first story book! Your choice of topic was also very interesting and had me invested in wanting to learn more. The story was really well put together and really enjoyable to read! Mr. Corliss seemed really suspicious in the introductory! The suspension in the introductory portion was a great way to lead to your second part. You also told and built the story very well for the reader to be prepared for what comes next. The second part was fun! I loved the idea of the reader interacting with the story and based on what you choose is how the story unravels. I personally chose big foot and I am excited to see his character in your next post! One question though, If you choose a character do you still get to the other character like the mothman or is it just not an option anymore?

  10. Hey Brett!
    The way your storybook is set up is really cool! I really like the interactive version! I would have never thought about that!

    The one sentence that reads--
    Corliss laughs. "So many questions, I really do love your enthusiasm. Anyway, it's high time we got this tour started! Don't you agree?"

    Not sure if you meant "high time" but it kinda reads funny! Besides that I was really drawn to the format of the story! I can't wait to read more! Good job man!

  11. Hey Brett!

    Awesome work with your introduction and Part 1! I experimented a bit with Twine for one of my story labs and it was a lot of fun. I'm really excited that you're building your story with this "Choose your own story" kind of storytelling. I can't wait to see where it goes! The introduction was great and it certainly helped to establish the story-line and introduce the (in my opinion underused) second-person perspective. Part 1 was a good continuation and the short and sweet bits of narrative didn't have me afraid to explore all the different story-lines. If I were to comment on anything, I think that I'd just have to say that Corliss and Mr. LeBlanc don't feel as fleshed out as characters as they could be. I realize that this might be a little difficult to do, especially since we as the main character haven't even met Corliss face-to-face yet, but maybe more details about their character could help enrich the story a little. Also, I wanted to ask if the names Corliss and LeBlanc were entirely made-up or if they had some root or inspiration from a story or something? In any case, great job. Can't wait to see what you write next!

  12. Hey Brett!

    This storybook is so cool! I really enjoyed how interactive it is. I think the introduction was really good and set the stage for the entire storybook. At first, I was confused by the second-person narrative because there was no author note or explanation. I re-read and then went to Part 1 out of curiosity and read your author note and realized that "you" is me! That was when I realized that it was going to be an interactive story. The story plot and the way it is interactive gives me escape room vibes, which is totally awesome. Is the entire story going to be interactive like that or will you use one of your story pages to go more in depth? I am looking forward to reading more and I will be bookmarking your page for sure! Oh and the Spotify playlist is a nice touch!

  13. Hi Brett,

    So, I just finished reading the intro to your storybook project, and right from the start, I am hooked. I have always been a fan of mysteries and when I was a kid, I even read all the Hardy Boy books because I couldn’t put them down. I like how your story’s intro doesn’t give a lot of clues into what the story is going to develop into, and I really like the vagueness of the characters we have met so far. The further I got into the reading, the more questions I had. I really like how you haven’t included the name of the main character yet, because I feel like it adds to the mystery of the story even more. Was there a specific story from the assigned readings that prompted you to write this kind of story book, or is mystery just one of your favorite genres to write about? Can’t wait to read more!

  14. Hey Brett!

    First off, thanks for investing time into my storybook! It is nice to have a fellow Twine user looking at my work and providing feedback.

    Your first story was an awesome Twine story. It had the typical feel of a choose-your-own-adventure story. This was a fun way to chose as most of the choices involved responses to dialogue. This gave me a great sense of being within the story. This also provides more fun as you can go down each different path, a more daring and more "go with the flow" it seems. It was very helpful to see how you utilized Twine and actually gave me some good ideas for my stories. It was smart how you gave multiple options to choose from, but also seemingly forced an option to progress the story. I don't think any other readers would notice this, I just played your story extensively to see your in's and out's.

    I can't find anything I would change. I think this is a good first story. Are you going to keep the same type of choice process throughout the project or will you incorporate more story types (like a switching perspectives as I did in my first story)? Either way, I think this is going to be a really fun project and am excited to read more!

  15. Hey Brett!

    This is the first portfolio I have read in this class where I found myself gripping my laptop screen. Your title was ambiguous enough where I wasn't sure what to expect going in, but I loved every minute of it. You built up the suspense by making the whole situation shady, and then you dumped a reader in a vat of it in the closing paragraph. It was a wonderful experience.

    I think the choice of second person is interesting, and I'm curious to see how you continue with it. It worked really well for your introduction.

    I only have a couple comments to make on the introduction overall. I really wish I knew who the people he was talking to look like. It often helps the reader to have a face and a name, along with a specific trait. For example, a character in a story has a hook for a hand. Most people will remember he has a hook and not necessarily his name. It will help the reader get into the flow of the story

  16. Hey Brett!
    I need to start out by saying I'm OBSESSED with your storybook. Your layout is insane and you are so talented. I can tell right away how much hard work and effort you really put into this class. Love your titles too, for example, "Meet the Monsters that Haunt America." I read Part 1a: Bigfoot and again, was so impressed with your website skills. And your Spotify playlist idea was another great touch!

    Not only was the dialogue and story extremely interesting but the fact that your website is so interactive really caught my attention. You kept my attention the entire story and I was honestly kind of sad when it was over. What inspires your writing and how did you learn so much about building websites? I have you bookmarked as one of my favorite storybooks to read so I can’t wait to read more of your stories as the semester goes on!

  17. Hey Brett!

    I decided to come back to your storybook as I was really curious about the first couple of stories that you would be publishing! Let me just say, I was not disappointed in the least! The Bigfoot and Mothman stories were both really fun to play through and gave a great example of how Twine could be used for some really unique storytelling. The Spotify playlist was another good idea and it actually has me considering adding something similar to my own storybook! I definitely am looking forward to the next story you release (The Jersey Devil right?) and will be back to read it next week! In terms of comments, I didn't really notice anything other than a minor typo on the first page of the Bigfoot story. One word which I'm pretty sure is supposed to say "the" is missing the "e". But that's about it for spelling or grammar mistakes. Again, great work!

  18. Hi Brett,

    What a great introduction. An introduction is typically used to pull the reader in and keep them interested so that you keep reading the story. Your introduction was phenomenal. It is by far the best introduction that I have seen out of all the storybooks that I have read. You create a lot of suspense which keeps the reader going because they are curious of what is going to happen next.

    The dialogue throughout the story was also outstanding. The conversation back and forth explained many things that could not have been explained otherwise. Also, great job adding the twine story at the end of the introduction. By letting the reader take action and deciding what path they want to go down, you are ensuring that the reader keep reading your story and is intrigued.

    This is the best storybook that I have seen so far, and I am definitely bookmarking it to keep reading it. I am so excited to see your final product.

  19. Hi Brett!

    The design of your website is FANTASTIC! First off as soon as you open the website you get the sense that something is haunted. The darkness, the single lamp with the shadows of trees in the back and you know something spooky is going on with the mythical monsters. Also, I have not listened to it, but the fact you made a Spotify playlist to go along with your story is awesome!

    The Introduction picture is so cool. It piques your interest just enough to want to keep digging into your stories. Also, the way you used Twine is so cool and seems like it was a lot of work. But this feature made the story so much more interactive and engaging than any of the other projects I have read. It's so cool that probably none of us read the exact same story, but I am sure we all enjoyed these stories. I cannot wait to see what else is in store for us to read about the Mythical Monsters of the New World!

  20. Hi Brett!

    Checking back in as I read your piece much earlier this semester and was already hooked on the extremely tense introduction and was left wondering what was in store for the main character, but was blown away when I came back this week and saw the addition of several chapters as well as the creative use of Twine stories. First off, I really enjoy the Twine portion of the story as it reminds me of the Goosebumps books I used to read back when I was a young elementary school student, where you get to sort of choose your own adventure as you can choose both dialogue, but what monsters you want to wrangle up first. It was without a doubt the most invested I've been in a reading in this course and urge you to keep this format of "choose your own adventure," as I believe it as a great storytelling device and fits so well with the creepy theme of the mythical zoo exhibit. I also really enjoyed the personalities that come out of each character depending on the dialogue as it feels like they don't all have the same path and the reader gets to sort of choose how they want the story to unfold. Overall, a thoroughly enjoyable reading experience and I truly can not wait to see where it goes from here!

  21. Hi Brett! The addition of a Spotify playlist was a great touch. I listened to a couple of the songs on there and was honestly pretty freaked out, even though it is the middle of the day. Also, the choose your own adventure style is amazing. I can really tell that you have put a lot of thought and effort into this. I'm sure that by the end of the year I will have to through all the possible options. I ended up going the Mothman route and died my first time! I really did have a lot of fun reading this and I will one hundred percent be be back next week to explore the pathways that I did not get to this time around. The tone of the stories really made me feel like I was in 6th grade reading Goosebumps choose your own adventure books again. Keep up the good work, I cannot wait to see what else you have in store!

  22. Hey Brett!
    I love the second story! The interactive aspect is so cool to me! I investigated the hallway died after the office! (Hopefully it wouldn't be that way if it was a real life situation!) There isn't anything I would change...I don't think! Maybe add a few more pictures in the story if you could...just another visual element! Keep up the good work!

  23. Hi Brett!
    Checking back in again, have to say I love the interactive model still and think that it is an excellent story telling device that fits so perfectly into the story book that you are currently working on. It has been interesting see the different ways that this storybook has evolved over the semester as it initially did not have the interactive portion, but did have an extremely gripping intro that created a lot of suspense for readers as it left them guessing what exactly was going on at the museum before being introduced through that model later. Your use of such descriptive language when setting the scene, setting up a various character, or even interacting between characters really helps bring the whole piece to life and give it personality and make it unique like said characters. This is perfect for the characters as they are all originals and need to be almost explained to the readers as they have no previous knowledge of them. Overall though I am still really liking the story and am excited to see how it all comes together!

  24. Hey Brett,

    I am back to read your finished storybook and you did not disappoint. Like I had said earlier this is definitely my favorite one. Not only was the content great, but your method of storytelling also made reading your storybook fun.

    I mainly tried to focus on your author's notes for this comment. You did a great job with all three of them. On your first two stories, you started the comment off by noting that the sequence in which your readers read the stories could have been different depending on what path they chose to take in the story. Great job implementing that to where it makes sense and applies to all of the readers. Also, great job of making sure that we had plenty of background information for each story!

    I am so glad that I came across your storybook! I really enjoyed reading it and seeing all of the different ways that your story could go depending on what the reader chooses.

  25. Hey Brett! I hope your semester is going well! We’re almost to the end! Today, I’ve focused on your Author’s Notes! My first, and biggest question with your Author’s Note for, “Introduction,” is about Twine. What is Twine? I’ve never heard of it so I don’t really know what it means. I think I get the gist a bit more after interacting with your project a bit, but I still think a bit more clarification could really enhance the experience for the reader! This idea is so cool! You did an amazing job with background information for the Big Foot Exhibit. I felt really informed after your Author’s Notes, in general! You’ve added so much detail. I think my only other suggestion would be to add a bit more personal narrative. I’d love to know why you chose these exact mythical monsters! It really enhances the reader’s sense of why these creatures are cool or important just to know your thoughts too.
    Have a good semester! Great work!

  26. Hi Brett!

    This storybook was amazing the whole way through. I love the differences between all four monsters. The Mothman seems to be the most feral of the bunch. Bigfoot is just a big softie. The Jersey Devil is misunderstood and feels cursed. The Wendigo is truly evil and manipulative. These all show different aspects of how monsters are portrayed in stories. Deciding whether or not to free the Jersey Devil was actually a really tough decision. The final battle with the Wendigo was great as well! I feel like early on in the story I would have chosen to run, but throughout the story I have learned that I can take these monsters if I'm clever enough. It was also funny how I had to stall for time to make the Wendigo exasperated enough to let his guard down and lunge in impatiently. Amazing job with this storybook, you did a fantastic job!

  27. Hi Brett!

    So I started reading your first story and immediately could tell that you put a lot of work into the design and layout of your story book, along with creating a very entertaining and fun story layout. I really like the way that you incorporate quick links into the story to make it feel as if you are jumping from one page to another like in a book. This design is something I wish I had the time and mental capability to do. In your story "Part 1a. Bigfoot," I had a great time reading it and enjoyed the small paragraph's on each page. This design almost felt like each page was a cliff hanger for the next page and I am a big fan of cliff hangers. I like how you incorporate different styles of writing into this story. You were able to set a theme of the story being a thriller, while also incorporating a comedic style as well. I think that this makes the story very enjoyable to read and even more so makes me want to read more!


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