Week 3 Story: Perseus, A DM's Worst Nightmare

Perseus and Andromeda, by Frederic Leighton

Dan had been the Dungeon Master for his friends' Dungeons and Dragons group for a while now, and he always looked forward to their sessions on Wednesday nights. Everyone had a good time, and they had created stories that would last a lifetime, one of which was the unfortunate story of Percy.

Percy was an acquaintance who was also an avid D&D player. When his group disbanded for unknown reasons, Percy asked Dan if he could join his group. Dan allowed it, welcoming Percy to the group. Percy was insistent that he should be able to keep the same character that he had played in his former campaign. Dan, not knowing what he was agreeing to, let him keep his character. When Wednesday came and everyone sat down to play, Dan began to realize his mistake. 

"Alright everyone," Dan began. "When we last left off, you all had made your way to the fields of the giant monster known as Atlas. A mountain looms in the distance and many herds of cattle dot the landscape around you. You have also gained a new party member in your quest to defeat Atlas. Percy could you introduce your character?"

Percy smiled. "Perseus rides in from the skies on his flying horse, Pegasus, as he lands he-"

"Wait a minute, what?" Dan asked. "You have a flying horse?"

"Yeah, and boots of flying in case he's not around," Percy answered.

Dan was quiet for a moment. "You can't be serious. That's completely overpowered."

"Well it wasn't ever a problem with my old group," Percy replied. "C'mon, it'll be fine, let's just get moving."

Dan, stifling his complaints, continued on. "Okay, fine. You all move further through the plains until, after closer inspection you find that the mountain in the distance is no mountain at all. As the large shape turns itself towards you all, you can see it's a huge, muscular human, hunched down as if carrying the sky itself. A booming voice resounds from the skies. 'Who dares to disturb my-'"

"I want to turn him to stone," Percy said quickly. 

The rest of the table stared at Percy blankly. "You're a paladin," Dan answered. "You don't have any petrification spells."

"Yeah, but I want to use my Gorgon head," Percy replied.

Dan looked around, his frustration building. "How the hell do you have a Gorgon head?? You're level 5!"

"Well we killed a Gorgon in my last campaign using a reflective shield, and I kept its head as a trophy," Percy said. "The eyes still turn people to stone, so its pretty useful!"

Dan sighed. "Okay, whatever, what kind of saving throw does he have to make?"

"Oh, there isn't one," Percy answered. 'They just turn to stone if they make eye contact."

Dan threw his hands up in disgust. "And your old DM allowed this?? That's ridiculous!"

Percy tilted his head. "Yeah, he did. Like I said it wasn't ever a problem before, and you said I could keep everything about my old character."

Dan put his head in his hands. He had spent days preparing this boss fight, and now it had all gone up in smoke. "Alright, fine then. You watch as Atlas, in mid-sentence, begins to turn into a gigantic block of stone, his huge form now transformed into a mountain."

"Nice!" Percy exclaimed. "Now let's go get our reward!"

Dan rolled his eyes, but he still had an idea to save the session. "Alright, so you all return to Ethiopia. As you walk through the city, you see the king and queen crying out from a cliff overlooking the ocean below. They say that the gods have punished them, and now they must watch as their daughter is eaten by a great sea monster. They point out from their overlook to a woman chained to the side of a rock down in the water."

"Is the daughter hot?" Percy asked.

Dan glared at him. "C'mon dude, don't be that guy."

Percy backed off. "Okay, okay, I just wanted to know. I want to let the king and queen know that we'll get their daughter back, on one condition: if we rescue their daughter, then I can marry her and become the heir of Ethiopia."

Dan was ready to deny his request, until he decided to try to put his new tormentor in his place. "They agree to your proposition, on one condition," Dan said with a smirk. "You must defeat the monster alone. Only then will they allow you to marry their daughter."

"Done!" Percy replied. "So where's this monster at?"

"It's right over there, actually," Dan replied "You watch as this large scaly beast emerges from the water, roaring and thrashing, its massive fangs bared."

Percy looked down at his character sheet. "Okay, I want to fly up to it and smite it with my sword." He rolled his dice for an attack. "Oh hey, a natural 20! That's a critical hit!"

Dan groaned. "Of course he would get a critical hit," he thought to himself.

Percy rolled for damage. "Okay, okay, so that's.....105 points of damage!"

Dan's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Excuse me??? Even if you rolled the maximum amount on all of your dice it wouldn't be that much! Let me see your character sheet," he said. Dan looked down at the sheet with disgust. "Wait, so you're telling me this sword gives you +10 damage on every hit? And your old DM didn't find this unbalanced at all??"

Percy simply shrugged. "Yeah, it wasn't really ever a problem. So did I kill it?"

Dan bristled with anger. "Yep, it's dead."

"Nice!" Percy said, smiling. "I can't wait to have my own castle!"

Dan decided to end the session before his blood pressure rose any higher. When next Wednesday came, Percy wasn't invited back to the table, and the rest of the group would laugh and reminisce with cringing faces about the story of the "great hero Perseus."

Author's Note: This story is based off of the exploits of the Greek hero Perseus as told in Ovid's Metamorphoses. The story of Perseus and Atlas (where Perseus uses the Head of Medusa to turn the god Atlas to stone after Atlas denies the hero lodging), as well as the story of Perseus and Andromeda (where Perseus slays a sea monster in order to save and eventually marry the princess Andromeda of Ethiopia) are combined in this single story. This storytelling style choice was made to highlight how the magical items that Perseus had received from the gods throughout his adventures (such as the reflective shield from Minerva, his magical sword from Jupiter, the head of Medusa, his flying shoes from Mercury, etc.) made his exploits trivial, as he was easily able to deal with any challenge he faced.

Bibliography- Ovid's Metamorphoses, translated by Tony Kline. Web Source