Week 9 Story: Good Cop, Bad Cop

The only things they're hungry for are donuts...and justice: Image Source: Hot Fuzz

Detectives Johnson and Hadley swung open the doors to the precinct, shades still on, their uniforms still covered in the dirt and grime from their recent firefight with Pablo Escobar's clone only hours before. They're met with raucous applause from their coworkers, many of whom come forward to shake hands with the superstar detectives. The chief of the precinct steps forward, a manila envelope tucked under his arm.

"Detectives," the chief says with a smile. "Good work on that Escobar case. You two can be a pain in my ass, but you're still two of the finest damn cops I've ever seen."

"All a part of the job, sir," Johnson replies. "Gotta show the bad guys that they can't run from the law."

The chief's smile leaves his face. "You're right, but I'm afraid that part of the job isn't over yet. I've got another one for you." He pulls the envelope out from under his arm.

"This one's some real serial killer shit," the chief explains. "First victim was found in Little Jamaica, a young kid named Jayden Tigre. He goes missing one night, and his body is never found. Then, about a week later, Jayden's father opens his front door to find a basket on his doorstep with his son's hand in it."

"Jesus Christ," Hadley uttered under his breath.

"Yeah, it's pretty twisted stuff," the chief replies. "I had Rudolph take point on this one while you guys were dealing with the Escobar case, but..."

The chief reaches into the envelope, pulls out a picture, and hands it to Hadley. The image is a crime scene photo showing Detective Rudolph's severed head laying on a concrete floor.

"Rudolph's dead??" Johnson exclaimed.

The chief nods somberly. "He was hot on their trail, but it seems they got the jump on him. Sick bastards. They were sloppy though. We got prints from the scene that belong to a couple of Little Jamaica residents: Roger Abbit and Adam Nansi. We've got them in custody now, but they're not talking. I need you two to go in there and figure out how deep this thing goes. For Rudolph."

"We won't let you down, chief," Hadley replies. "C'mon Johnson."

The two detectives take the envelope from the chief and head towards the interrogation room. They look inside to see two young men sitting at the table. One wears a Spider-man t-shirt and is sitting calmly looking around at the room. The other is jittery, his leg bouncing up and down as he holds his head in his hands.

"Alright Hadley," Johnson says. "How do you want to play this?"

Hadley thinks for a moment, then looks at his partner through his shades. "How about the classic? Just like Chinatown?"

Johnson smiles, his white teeth shining under his thick mustache. "Hell yeah, brother. Just like Chinatown."

The detectives step into the room, throwing the envelope down on the steel table. Hadley sits down in one of the chairs, while Johnson stays standing, leaning down to place his hands on the top of the table.

"So," Hadley says, breaking the silence. "You two must be Mr. Abbit and Mr....Nancy?"

The man in the Spider-man t-shirt speaks up. "It's Nansi, and I'm not talking to anyone except my lawyer."

"Oh, don't worry Mr. Nancy," Hadley replies. "Your lawyer is on their way, we just want to ask you a few questions in the meantime."

"Yeah," Johnson says. "Questions like: Where in the hell do you two get off on all this, huh? You sure do like cutting off body parts, don't you? You sick sons of bitches."

Abbit groans a bit as his leg begins to bounce faster. Nansi rolls his eyes. "I want my lawyer," Nansi says.

"Yeah, I would too if I were a monster like you," Johnson replies, inching closer towards Abbit. "I'd want to hide behind whatever the system would give me. God forbid you actually feel remorse for killing a child, you disgusting cretins."

Abbit's leg bounces even faster. 

"It's called a fair trial, jackass," Nansi snaps back. "We are entitled to one, in case you forgot."

"No, we didn't forget," Hadley insists. "But do you really think your side's gonna hold up in court? We got your prints and eyewitness testimonies that provide scarily accurate descriptions of both of you fleeing both crime scenes. No jury alive is gonna buy your story. Come clean, and we can work out a deal for you."

"Whatever," Nansi replies. "I'm not saying anything until they get here."

"It was him," Abbit exclaims. "It was his idea! He made me do it! I told him I just wanted to get into a little trouble as a joke!"

"What, this isn't enough trouble for you, Roger?" Nansi asks.

Abbit whips his head towards Nansi, almost jumping out of his chair. "I meant like having a few beers and pulling some pranks or something, not murdering kids and cops, you asshole! You made me cut off that cop's head! You're psychotic!"

Abbit turns towards the two detectives "I'll testify, I'll take a deal, whatever you want. Just get me away from this guy!"

The detectives look at one another. "Alright gentlemen," Hadley says. "I think we're done here. Mr. Abbit, follow us please."

The three of them leave the room and the detectives hand Abbit off to their fellow officers. 

"All in a day's work, eh partner?" Hadley says, looking toward Johnson.

"Hell yeah, brother." Johnson says, smiling.

The two bump fists and head out to their patrol car. They speed off to another adventure, rock music inexplicably playing in the background...

Author's Note: This  retelling is based off of the story Rabbit and Anansi from the Jamaican Anansi Stories unit. In the story, Rabbit asks Anansi to show him some "daytime trouble." In response to this, Anansi takes Rabbit to kill a tiger cub, and then sends a basket with some of the tiger cub's meat in it back to the cub's father. Tiger becomes enraged and asks Reindeer to catch the two troublemakers. Reindeer finds them, but Anansi gives Rabbit a razor, and they decapitate Reindeer. And that's the end of the story. I wanted there to actually be some form of retribution for the pair's actions, and I thought it would be fun to turn the story into an over-the-top buddy cop drama and just go all out with all of the tropes that the genre carries. Many of the character's names reflect the source material (R. Abbit, A. Nansi, Tigre, Rudolph). I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Bibliography: Jamaica Anansi Stories by Martha Warren Beckwith (1924).